Phoenix FM Podcast - Mark Hayhurst

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If you've read Friday at the Nobody Inn - you'll know what we are talking about when we say 'Steal this Song'

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Warning: Adult Content

Three book deal for 'persistent' author

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Free Book Group Reading Guide

If you are interested in picking The Angel Makers as your next book club book you can download the reading group guide for free! The guide is also included in the back of the book (both hardback and paperback).

Extract from Baber's Apple - It is a Piebald Evening

Nan is subjecting herself to Macky's scrutinizing, saying to his chin, ‘Careful now. No more than to the bottom of the boat.' She points with an arthritically gnarled forefinger at the side of her tumbler. It sports the picture of a sailing ship painted in brown and white. It provides an appropriate Plimsoll line for measures of whisky. Macky has taken a bottle, now only half full, from his jacket pocket. He takes a swig out of it before serving her another helping, appearing to pay particular attention to the ship on the side of the glass, but nevertheless pouring Nan double her requested measure.

He says, ‘Oops.'

Nan repeats, ‘Oops,' but is already sipping at it, holding the glass firmly with both hands. The music sampler has settled for some early David Bowie. ‘ Oh, you pretty thing, don't you know you're driving your mamas and papas insane? ' Nan is about to resume her seat when the doorbell drills again.

‘It's getting to be a proper party,' she says, and Baber catches her almost chuckling.

Baber pushes his way through into the hall, a Zippo lighter and the over-large candle for the cake in one hand, an ever-ready welcome in the other.

It is Pocahontas.

She looks up into Baber's face with her eyes of vanilla-and-chocolate ice cream.

Now it's a skewbald evening.

Baber jellifies.

After seconds of seraphic silence, she says, ‘Oh, it's you,' and her face bursts into a sunshine smile.

Jelly can't talk. Especially when it's melting.

‘I didn't recognize you at first. Without your hat.' She touches him lightly on his forehead to show him what she means.

‘The blue hat?'

She remembers the colour of the hat. Over her shoulder, Baber cannot help noticing the street filling with winter-burgeoned exhaust fumes. A car is parked in front of the house. Baber can see her husband peering across at them from the driver's seat.

Baber says, ‘You've come to my grandmother's birthday party. How nice of you.'

In the hallway behind Baber, Sita can see the scoured skull and vicious mouth of one of Macky's gang. They call him Toss.

‘No. I don't think so,' she says shrinking away from the front door.

Toss goes up the stairs, looking over his shoulder and rolling his mouth like it is full of spit.

The car's passenger window slides down. ‘Ask him for your ticket,' there are no vowels in the way Sita's husband says ‘ticket', ‘and let's get out of here.'

Someone comes up behind Baber and taps him on the shoulder. It is Dolores. She says, ‘Minnie says for you to shut the front door. You're letting in a draught.' Then she sees Sita and smiles her infectious smile. ‘Hello,' she says. ‘Are you coming to the party? Come on in,' and she is guiding Sita in through the front door, past the jelly. Sita, looking surprised at the warmth of Dolores's greeting, has no way of stopping herself.

Baber bends forward from the hips, this is easy for him to do in his invertebrate state, and calls to the man in the car, ‘We're just going to go and look for it. Come in and wait for her if you like.' Sita's husband turns off the engine, I guess against his better judgement. Then he switches the ignition back on to close the passenger window. He gets out and opens the boot of the car and fetches out a bed sheet. Baber wonders whether he has suddenly decided to stay the night and thinks about what he should do to air the bed in the spare room – we have had no one stay for years as far as I can remember. But Sita's husband drapes the sheet over the windscreen, opens the front doors of the car, tucks the sheet in and shuts all the doors, first on the driver's side, then the boot, then the passenger's door. Then he bleeps the doors locked and is at the front step, when Macky turns up beside Baber to reissue his grandmother's message.